Your questions

Dear Agony Goat,

My humans are great – they look after me, keep we well-fed and watered, and provide me with lots of space to play, frolic and roam around. I just have one grievance; once or twice a year they insist on trimming my hair, and I do not enjoy this! From the pre-haircut wash to the clipping itself, I find the whole process pretty enervating. The noise of the battery powered clippers is irritating and I hate being tied to a fence and having my movement restricted whilst I’m being administered my trim. Another annoying consequence of having my haircut is that I’m prone to being sunburned during the warmer weather.

Signed,

Haircut Avoider

Dear Haircut Avoider,

I appreciate that undergoing a haircut can seem like an unnecessary waste of time, but please try to understand it from your human’s point of view, as they are doing this for your benefit. Not only does shorter hair help keep you nice and cool in humid weather, it’s also beneficial in keeping lice and other pests at bay. A trim also helps sunlight reach your skin for that all important vitamin D fix, so as you can see, your haircut really is a necessary evil and it’s worth remaining patient and allowing it to happen so you can reap all the benefits. I’m sorry to hear you are prone to sunburn; you should let your human know that applying cornstarch to your skin will work as a kind of goat sunscreen until your hair grows in a bit.

Good luck!

Agony Goat