Your questions – August 2021

Dear Agony Goat, 

Recently I was talking to a friend about video games that we see humans play – on consoles called Xboxes and Playstations I believe. You see, this friend has kids who are quite popular with some of the local humans, and they appear to have heard about a game called ‘Goat Simulator’. 

I questioned my friend about this game and it appears that it’s a simulation game where you play as a goat. It seems you have objectives to complete, much like any other game. But these objectives are usually to create destruction and chaos! I did a bit of online research into this game, and it seems that people are playing as goats and destroying whole towns in order to get points! 

The thing I’m worried about is the bad rep this gives us goats. We’re not destructors for the sake of it, and many of us are quite placid and calm. I’m worried that people will start to view us as chaos-creating animals and we’ll lose the wonderful relationship we have with humans. 

I feel like I need to do something to protect our image, please help! 


A Very Calm Goat 

Dear A Very Calm Goat, 

I have heard about this game, and upon receiving your letter I have undertaken some research of my own. It does appear that the point of this game is to create as much mayhem as possible, all while playing as one of us – a goat. 

However, while I was on the internet, it became apparent that the reception towards goats is still generally very positive! And I believe the game is partly to thank for that. People seem to love us as animals, and because of that this game is extremely popular. ‘Goat Simulator’ appears to have worked wonders for our PR – we’re now more popular than ever. 

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, in fact, I think you should embrace it. You know that you’re not a destructive goat, and anyone who meets you will see that. If you’re worried about something, the best thing you can do is learn more about it and you’ll usually find that many of your fears are unfounded. 

Personally, I believe that it’s the humans who wish to be chaotic and destructive, but they’re using a virtual version of us instead of doing it themselves. I think this is to avoid any real consequences from their actions, but it also distances themselves from the mess they’ve made. Humans don’t like to take too much responsibility in my opinion! 

Hoping you see the positives, 

Agony Goat